I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
