Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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