Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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