Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There's always time for handjobs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
