I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
