You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
