Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
