That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
