The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
