chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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