Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
