My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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