Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
