At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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