Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
