I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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