ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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