He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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