I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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