My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
