today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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