My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize