I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
