i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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