Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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