The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
