i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
