I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize