The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize