does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
