Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think my fart just growled at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize