are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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