i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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