So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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