You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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