i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
