I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
