Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
