i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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