you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
