I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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