I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
