considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
