I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
