I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize