I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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