I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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