Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
