How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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