You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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