even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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