Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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