I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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