got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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