I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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