So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
