So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
