My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
