three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
50% drunk capacity currently
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
