I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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