I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
