Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
