I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
