I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
