Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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