This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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