I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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