When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
