we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
