ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize