News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
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