And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
