you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
