Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize