Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
