R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
