Christians are straight up FREAKS
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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