i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
