I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
